The pressure was up...
But everything else was down..
Her energy to move on was at a standstill,
especially since Mars had gone retrograde the day before.
For the rest of the year, she was going to be feeling
this sluggish pull and she was really
concerned whether she was going to make it
to the New Year or not.
She wished that she could just hibernate like the bear..
But then thought about it...
how did they just sleep
and sleep and sleep?
She could barely make it for an 8 hour of pure sleeping.
She couldn't bare to think about sleeping all winter.
So of course she was grateful that she was not a bear.
But then her mind went back to her current thought.
What was she doing?
What was her plan?
Did she even have one?
For the strategic that she was known to be,
she was finally starting to accept the fact
that she really didn't trust her planning anymore.
She realized that in the past when she made plans,
Most of the time, it was coming from a place of fear.
A place of outside expectation.
A place of worry that something bad would happen
if she didn't do, go, or get...
But maybe this is why Mars had decided to go retrograde.
Especially at this critical moment in her life.
Where decisions needed to be made...
But she had given up her Karmic patterns.
Her karmic loops.
Her karmic repeats.
And so, it made much sense that with the help of
the universe, she would finally be able to cut herself free!
But what was she trying to cut herself free from?
What Karmic pattern?
Well, with Jupiter's help, and of course all the other planets as well,
She realized that in her life there was always something
that she thought would work, if she just did it right.
And so year after year, she tried to make a life for
herself.
One where she would get a job, a car, a man, and a place to
live together, helping each other out,
all the while trying to enjoy the fruits of the so called
life that they worked together to maintain.
However, no matter who she was with, or if she was alone and
independent, things never seemed to work out
the way people claimed it to be.
Everyone was flowing, but things never flowed for her.
No matter if she worked a bank job, a store job,
an office job, a warehouse job...
She never had enough money to pay even
the lowest amounts of bill expectations.
She would put in hours upon hours to
overtime, yet still had not enough to pay all the bills.
How was life not working for her, when
countless others where so happy and free?
She couldn't quite understand this cycle that kept
her spinning downward.
She really must have gotten something completely messed up
in her thinking in order to keep failing like this.
And then she remembered the words,
Deferred Hope...
She had heard those words when she first began going to church
back in her 20's right before she got pregnant and then got married.
This word Hope Deferred had just come back up to her in her Queen-ology
studies and she realized a message that was trying to come through.
All this time, all these karmic repeats...
Was all because she had believed something to be true
outside of asking God what he thought.
She never realized that by watching other people's lives
and actions and successes...
And then wanting to recreate it for herself,
was the very reason why it never worked for her.
This was the Law of Envy.
Wanting what another had not realizing and being grateful for what
God had already given her.
It was like the story of the Peacock and the Crow.
The Crow wanting to be beautiful and happy like the peacock
with it's beautiful feathers... Yet overlooking the fact that
his own gift of intelligence was something of great value already.
He just failed to discover it because he was too busy
focused on how to obtain what God had given the peacock.
So for her, wanting a family and a flowing life with a job, and a house, and a man,
Was all great, if only she would first understand
that God came first. That in order to even know
who she truly was, she had to ask God for the revelation.
And with that revelation she could take her next steps.
and so..
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