Up or Down?

 There was a lot opening up in her... and sometimes

she felt like she just needed to step back

and allow it all to just do it's thing. 

Unfold...

It was working in it's own divine timing anyways,

just like everything in life was supposed to.

Just as this blog she was piecing together.

it was her story.

Her proof.

Her legacy.

For one day...

Most people looked at her like she was just a 

clueless little blonde.

And to her, that was okay. 

She wasn't here to work hard at proving who she was or wasn't.

She was here living this life at every angle possible

to discover all the truths and secrets she came here

to learn and reveal. 

One thing she learned was that a person

definitely needed to be brave enough to remain open

in order to find the golden nuggets of this planet.

Most people just took what other people or religion put on them

and they were satisfied with that. 

But not her. 

She wanted to seek out all that never made sense.

The very stuff that people held tightly on to yet

never really dug deep into their own truths. 

She wasn't up for the game of self deception. 

She wanted to find her truth at all cost!

But only with God at her side. 

And here she was today...

Rising upon that success slowly yet surely.

But before success could be fully achieved, she still had 

a little more learning and exploring to do. 

She found out that there was a way to compare charts.

Natal charts. 

Yes, to those who wonder... 

She was indeed, learning the art of reading natal charts and 

the energies that were available to the people in 

order to heal and level up in their soul's journey.

This was all a part of her purpose.

Her fun.

But for now, she wanted to speak of her new found interest.

Reading those lovely synastry and composite charts.

In simple English, these are basic natal charts that get 

overlapped on top of another persons chart to see the connection 

of the two energies and planets in a relationship. 

It could show signs of past life connections to a person.

It could show whether a person was

 a lover, an enemy, a friend, or an acquaintance in a past life .

 It could also show the karma between the two people.

Their karma that needed to be worked out in this life.

 Karma was of course Pluto territory, 

making those relationships

 Plutonic... 

Not Platonic..

Pluto was the planet that gave us the choice to go from

either positive energy or negative energy. 

From either Love or Fear.

Pluto was our power distributor!

She liked to joke in her head that Pluto was almost 

like St. Peter at the pearly gates opening a door

for a person based on their decision... 

So...

If someone chose to go from a place of fear 

when making decisions, Pluto, 

opened up the gates of Hell and allowed Hades, the Lord of the Underworld, 

 to handle the transaction!

However, if a person went from a place of love, 

Love for self and love and peace for others, then Pluto would

Open the gate to heaven and allow God to help

in that deed. 

However, 99.9% of the time, sin won the battles of this earth.

Man and woman always chose from a place of fear.

Yet, what she found pretty interesting is how the men and women

on Earth fooled themselves into thinking and believing that 

positive results would come from negative decisions! 

Even when sicknesses arose, and doctors couldn't 

figure them out... The people never could quite 

put it all together... and they all fell into victimhood

which lead them into the hands of sorcery...

But she couldn't settle for that. 

Not one bit. 

She was not about to give in or die,

 knowing that there was more truths 

to be found. 

And that is why she went on this journey...

For the longest time!

Be free with me...

 And there she was again. 

Back to square one. 

Back to that same starting place. 

She was getting so tired of this circle.

This cycle.

She didn't want to do it all over again.

And she made a vow to herself that no.. 

This time. 

She wasn't going to do it.

Any of it. 

She was done.

That road that she used to travel was

washed away by the flood of tears she had cried and cried.

That bridge connecting her to that same washed away

road had also caught fire and burned to the ground,

along with any other manipulative tactic her mind

had held onto for so many years!

As she sat at the table,

she tried hard not to let defeat take her hand

She didn't feel at one with defeat.

She wasn't defeated.

She knew that much.

Instead she felt that she had actually won,

because she had finally let go of all that 

never worked for her.

She was always selling herself short. 

She had much more to offer in this life then just 

the basic simple things she allowed herself to get 

carried away in. 

The New Moon in Sagittarius was coming up.

Jupiter was about to station direct...

And Thanksgiving was happening the day right after

all these glorious new beginnings where pulling in 

to happen. 

These were the hands that she wanted to grab.

They were the direction in which she really wanted 

to go next.

But before she could finally turn and take that first 

step forward...

She realized there was something still up in the air that 

she was afraid to address. 

Maybe she didn't want to admit that if she did finally 

address it, that it would no longer be... 

But reality was that it no longer was anymore anyways. 

And maybe it never even was before and it was all just her 

illusion delusion. 

But she decided that she was ready, finally. 

That she was going to really face it. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------

The words, "Stupid Bitch" Kept echoing in her mind

like a pendulum that swung back and forth.

She knew that they were just words, but somehow

they were words that echoed in her mind, heart and soul

for a lot longer then she liked to admit, even to herself.

She was a very strong full bodied woman... 

She knew that much. 

She knew that she was powerful and that words 

never hurt her.

But she also knew that she could be very prideful

and self sabotaging all at the same time.

And as she went back in her mind to the day 

that those words were spoken to her... 

She remembered exactly why they were said. 

As she tried to put it together for herself, 

once and for all, 

so that she could either

A) pack it up and ship it out..

Or

B) burn it up and let the wind take it where it belonged...

She reminded herself that most definitely 

This was not about accepting bad behavior. 

This was not about letting someone off the hook.

and most definitely that this was not about 

Blaming herself for what had occurred that day.

However, she knew that forgiveness was necessary not only 

from God and herself, but also for him.  

and with that... She knew she would be off the hook, 

so she could move forward.  

 So she took in a deep breath and she allowed her mind 

to really open up...

It was a Saturday Night... 

There was a Full Moon in the making... 

A Pisces Full Moon at that. 

Which of course represented Endings... 

And there she was, walking her life down a drain. 

okay, swimming down was more like it because she had 

become so addicted to alcohol 

and just washing down 

every emotion and feeling that ever tried to come up in her that   

she was definitely coming up to an ending of some sort for sure.

That night, her and her man had just went out and 

tried to watch an event together and even though it had 

ended in success, the rest of their night together did 

not match that same level of success. 

She had failed. 

Big time. 

The one thing she was supposed to learn in this life

was how to not give over her power and that night she 

failed. 

She realized now, two months later, 

and countless queen-ology lessons on 

femininity malfunction

that she had re-lived her karmic repeat yet again... 

Only this time, Her karmic partner was what she realized 

was also her key. 

But this is where she had to decide to be truthful..

With herself, with the universe, and even him,

 if he should ever care to know.

But she knew that was on him, not her. She didn't chase.

She knew her role. 

But as a queen, she also knew that being totally

 transparent and authentic was the only way to go.

And so she was going to be just that. 

She learned one fight too late that communication was the 

foundation for a relationship. 

And now that she was back to square one... 

She accepted her regrets... 

And she forgave herself for not knowing that 

she should have had enough self respect for herself

 to care about how she always felt in the now moments.

And she forgave herself for not being confident enough to share 

her feelings and emotions with someone she really did love and care about.

Only it didn't show because she knew very well that 

When a person couldn't love themselves, 

then they very well couldn't share love with another either. 

And this is what she had to face in herself. 

So she wrote it in her heart and

folded it up... 

And she gave it over to God. 

Just like that. 

Unchained Potential

After taking the bite from the poisoned apple...

The Princess dropped to the ground...

And fell into a deep sleep... 

She went into the underworld while in this deep sleep. 

It was nothing but a nightmare to say the least.

But what she didn't realize, is that there was no need 

for a Prince to come rescue her with a kiss. 

Of course this is what she had been told 

by the very witch that gave her the poisoned apple.

But it couldn't be more farther from the truth then 

it really truly revealed itself to be.

44 years later, she finally stopped long enough to see 

the truth.

The truth that all she had to do to wake up, 

was turn back to God. 

Her one true creator. 

And realize that he made her of ultimate value. 

And the only reason the wicked witch 

ever came to her with the poisoned fruit

was in deed because she had unresolved 

pain, shame, and bitterness from her own self destruction

that she didn't realize was up to her own relationship

with God and her self to heal.

The truth of this fairy tale that lives

 on and on 

life time after life time

generation after generation 

is the very fact that it was a curse. 

There was a group of men who wanted to take over God's place.

They wanted the world to see them as God

so that they could control the world to their benefit. 

And so the Perverted Toxic Male Society was created.

The ego works in this same way. 

And she realized that she had imprisoned herself 

with her own Perverted Toxic Masculine mindset

that drove her to rule over her own feminine reality!

In order to make earthly sense of this revelation 

that she had just revealed in herself, 

she was going to have to tell her story. 

Her testimony...

She had allowed herself to believe the lie

 that a woman's only value was in her Body;

 Lips, hips, and tips,

 as well as;

 in the sexual advantage she had over men 

who didn't even deserve her, 

 by holding onto 'the cookie'!

Unfortunately, that was actually a very shallow and carnal way 

of living and she knew it never excited her. 

That's why she made a game of it. 

But what she didn't realize was, this is exactly 

what they wanted. 

And by biting the apple, it took her down..

Into a deep sleep where she entered into  

the underworld. 

And that's where she 

hit rock bottom. 

At Rock bottom, she met her reflection..

The devil!

And when she took a turn dancing with the devil,

it was only then that she realized that she had turned from God.

 

Not realizing that by misunderstanding God's word 

and applying his words to her life in only a masculine mindset way,

was indeed the road away from God. 

Putting God on the cross was the poisoned fruit. 

The curse. 

The sin. 

And so in life, by putting God outside of herself, 

Only brought her closer to the devil, 

One step 

one day

one minute 

at a time. 

She realized she had put God into an image. 

A book called the bible. 

Churches.

Religion.

Even Positive and Negative Energy. 

So if something appeared wrong, she would judge and say

that's the devil, or that's evil.

But then when that same wrong came back around and it worked for others,

then she would be confused as to what was good and what was God.. 

And this is why she took the bite of the poisoned apple.

The confusion and wanting to know but also not to know too much. 

Was the key to the Toxic Perverted Masculine Culture.

So when she was in the underworld, 

dancing with the devil, 

she learned that God was the creator of both and all.

For her to be dancing with the devil 

meant that she was also of the devil but also of God. 

And the choice was up to her to decide

if she wanted to stay asleep and twirling downward...

But of course, couldn't go down any further then she already was, 

since she was dancing with the devil...

Or she could wake up to the fact that God was in her. 

In the very cells that made her.

And that who she was mattered. 

And she had a role. 

She had more value then she allowed herself to believe. 

It only took returning to the light,

 to God,

 and to begin to research with an open mind and heart the truth 

of who she truly was in God her creator.

And this was the true awakening of the deep sleep she had fallen under.

Because the true awakening of a Queen never came from the Kiss of Death! 

  

Don't Mind Me?

 She knew she was not flowing in the life 

that she was currently trying to make herself live. 

Yet, she pushed herself every day to go thru the same cycles. 

Like a merry go round. 

It's always fun at first until the motion 

becomes too much within 

and you get that nauseous feeling inside.

And she knew, finally, since she had begun her spiritual journey,

that nausea was indeed a rejection of the flow of life.

And so if her being on this round and round spin in her own life was making her sick...

she knew somewhere she had gone against the flow in her life. 

So she asked the holy spirit for help. 

RC Blakes was brought to her awareness almost instantly!

RC Blakes is a pastor that spoke of God and the bible

 in a way that she was actually able to understand. 

She had gone to numerous churches in her life and met many pastors

and religious clergy but none that ever seemed to make any sense to her.

But she couldn't find RC Blakes until she was true and honest to her own self.

To her own heart and soul. 

She was spiritual.

As much as people wanted to tell her that spirituality was all 

witchcraft,

 she couldn't understand why she didn't see it that way.

Until now. 

But it took years... 

Her journey began almost 13 years ago!

But here she was still striving. 

Still trying and still learning. 

Today she learned all about her mind set. 

She learned that she had been dwelling for the longest time bouncing

between two different types of mind sets... 

And both of them didn't produce anything but that merry go round effect

that she was so familiar with now and so sick of...

She wanted a change. 

She was ready for a change.

And she was ready to take any and all actions necessary to get there.

So... the first thing she learned was that she needed to acknowledge the two 

limited mind sets that she had been hopping between. 

The first mindset was where she was focused on the DEAD PAST. 

This is where she was always thinking about her past traumas

and was always looking for ways to avoid reliving past hurts and pains.

This was also where she was stuck thinking about back when 

things used to be better or working out for her... Her regrets. 

But what she didn't realize, until now..

 that this mind set of the DEAD PAST put her in a state 

where she was simply enduring a miserable existence but yet not fully living. 

So she made a New Pact with her higher self, taken from a quote from RC Blakes, 

 that she was going to

 "Divorce her History in order to make a date with Destiny!"

Then as she continued to listen to her favorite Pastor, and she learned that 

the second mindset that she was seriously stuck dwelling in was indeed

the mindset of living in the PRESENT MOMENT.

This made her a survivalist! 

And that made perfect sense to her...

Especially since she came from a past life of being a

Highly esteemed Independent survivor!

But her mission in this life was definitely not in running on

impulsive survival warrior mode.

Yet, this is exactly who she had become so far... 

So here she was... 

Ready and willing to get off of this merry go round of a life... 

She was ready to learn and activate the Third way of life.

The Queen conscious mind set way. 

This is where she was going to take the time and effort to truly understand 

who she was. 

Authentically. 

This is where she was going to do the work of finding her true self.

Who God had created her to be. 

She was going to do the work to find and feel 

her true worth in God her creator.

She was ready to chart her course based on her creator's instruction

relative to her true future. 

And it all began with changing her Mind Set! 

 

Hidden Sacral Action

 Behind every mask is the true authentic self. 

~The soul.~

Her life wasn't all that she envisioned. 

At least not yet. 

But she could totally see and feel herself already there. 

Today, she was learning a new concept about herself and the deeper aspects 

that governed them. 

These Aspects were the agents that would help guide her on her journey

to where she wanted to go in this life. 

   ( But first off, In order for you to understand where she is aiming to go, 

you must first understand where she comes from. and thus, 

Please do allow me to narrate for you how she found herself at the beginning of this story in the first place.)

She grew up in a house of five;

 a mother, a father, a brother, a sister, and of course, herself..

And Like all families, the father worked.

Long and hard all the days on. 

And the mother was furious with housework and children,

all the while having to also work to make ends meet. 

The physical, mental, emotional and spiritual abuse 

ran amuck in every house, every location, and every family member

that tried so hard to live the American dream. 

Being promised success and riches at the end of a hard days work was 

always the goal, yet even when it was reached, it seemed an utter disappointment.

The only thing that kept it going for years and years,

was the negative energy of the chase, the fight, and the idea that 

one day happiness was going to be had.

That day however never came. 

Father died. 

Mother was disabled.

and the children all parted ways.

Each lived far far away from the other, 

and each time they communicated was only through false visions.

A mask!

In the here and now, 

She sat in her favorite chair, and she continued to type her story. 

She began to search for the tape that held her own mask on so tightly. 

And when she found one, she began to peel away at it.

Today she had learned about Mars. 

Mars, that fiery red planet.

The one that everyone wanted to try to make a home on. 

She laughed inside at that vision.

Everyone trying to escape to a planet of nothing but

burning fires, desires, and passions!

She laughed because she knew that people didn't have to escape

life on Earth in order to live a life

 with Mars' promised brilliance and excitement. 

She realized a while back, 

That Mars existed inside each and every single person. 

Mars was an energy. 

The energy that gives people the ability to choose their actions.

Be they from

 a place of passion and desire

 or rather

 a place of anger and destruction... 

 Mars was the author of both. 

As she sat typing, she realized that she was indeed using her time with Mars 

in a positive, passionate way in her now moment... 

She was following her desire to write and be creative.

It brought her joy and happiness to express herself. 

And she saw that this was all possible because she listened to her

true hearts desire.

On the contrary... 

Mars also had it's time and place though for actions that required

emergency, protection, and strength. 

She realized that a life with Mars meant that  even though the flames of desire 

were necessary in order to live a happy life...

 the mere fact remained  

that the flames of desire were still in fact burning hot flames!

And yes, sometimes, these flames will burn and destroy 

everything in it's path if they are let burn out of control.

Her previous relationship had been completely set ablaze 

during the Full Moon In Pisces... and she knew her Mars had

everything to do with it.... 

But she wasn't blaming anyone. 

There was always a reason for every season of life. 

And this was all apart of her journey...