Be free with me...

 And there she was again. 

Back to square one. 

Back to that same starting place. 

She was getting so tired of this circle.

This cycle.

She didn't want to do it all over again.

And she made a vow to herself that no.. 

This time. 

She wasn't going to do it.

Any of it. 

She was done.

That road that she used to travel was

washed away by the flood of tears she had cried and cried.

That bridge connecting her to that same washed away

road had also caught fire and burned to the ground,

along with any other manipulative tactic her mind

had held onto for so many years!

As she sat at the table,

she tried hard not to let defeat take her hand

She didn't feel at one with defeat.

She wasn't defeated.

She knew that much.

Instead she felt that she had actually won,

because she had finally let go of all that 

never worked for her.

She was always selling herself short. 

She had much more to offer in this life then just 

the basic simple things she allowed herself to get 

carried away in. 

The New Moon in Sagittarius was coming up.

Jupiter was about to station direct...

And Thanksgiving was happening the day right after

all these glorious new beginnings where pulling in 

to happen. 

These were the hands that she wanted to grab.

They were the direction in which she really wanted 

to go next.

But before she could finally turn and take that first 

step forward...

She realized there was something still up in the air that 

she was afraid to address. 

Maybe she didn't want to admit that if she did finally 

address it, that it would no longer be... 

But reality was that it no longer was anymore anyways. 

And maybe it never even was before and it was all just her 

illusion delusion. 

But she decided that she was ready, finally. 

That she was going to really face it. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------

The words, "Stupid Bitch" Kept echoing in her mind

like a pendulum that swung back and forth.

She knew that they were just words, but somehow

they were words that echoed in her mind, heart and soul

for a lot longer then she liked to admit, even to herself.

She was a very strong full bodied woman... 

She knew that much. 

She knew that she was powerful and that words 

never hurt her.

But she also knew that she could be very prideful

and self sabotaging all at the same time.

And as she went back in her mind to the day 

that those words were spoken to her... 

She remembered exactly why they were said. 

As she tried to put it together for herself, 

once and for all, 

so that she could either

A) pack it up and ship it out..

Or

B) burn it up and let the wind take it where it belonged...

She reminded herself that most definitely 

This was not about accepting bad behavior. 

This was not about letting someone off the hook.

and most definitely that this was not about 

Blaming herself for what had occurred that day.

However, she knew that forgiveness was necessary not only 

from God and herself, but also for him.  

and with that... She knew she would be off the hook, 

so she could move forward.  

 So she took in a deep breath and she allowed her mind 

to really open up...

It was a Saturday Night... 

There was a Full Moon in the making... 

A Pisces Full Moon at that. 

Which of course represented Endings... 

And there she was, walking her life down a drain. 

okay, swimming down was more like it because she had 

become so addicted to alcohol 

and just washing down 

every emotion and feeling that ever tried to come up in her that   

she was definitely coming up to an ending of some sort for sure.

That night, her and her man had just went out and 

tried to watch an event together and even though it had 

ended in success, the rest of their night together did 

not match that same level of success. 

She had failed. 

Big time. 

The one thing she was supposed to learn in this life

was how to not give over her power and that night she 

failed. 

She realized now, two months later, 

and countless queen-ology lessons on 

femininity malfunction

that she had re-lived her karmic repeat yet again... 

Only this time, Her karmic partner was what she realized 

was also her key. 

But this is where she had to decide to be truthful..

With herself, with the universe, and even him,

 if he should ever care to know.

But she knew that was on him, not her. She didn't chase.

She knew her role. 

But as a queen, she also knew that being totally

 transparent and authentic was the only way to go.

And so she was going to be just that. 

She learned one fight too late that communication was the 

foundation for a relationship. 

And now that she was back to square one... 

She accepted her regrets... 

And she forgave herself for not knowing that 

she should have had enough self respect for herself

 to care about how she always felt in the now moments.

And she forgave herself for not being confident enough to share 

her feelings and emotions with someone she really did love and care about.

Only it didn't show because she knew very well that 

When a person couldn't love themselves, 

then they very well couldn't share love with another either. 

And this is what she had to face in herself. 

So she wrote it in her heart and

folded it up... 

And she gave it over to God. 

Just like that. 

It's in the little things...

 The little Asian Lady Beetle called over to her in the kitchen.

She doesn't know how she is able to hear them, she just does. 

And in a way, it's not a sound so much as an intuitive nudge really. 

but back to the story at hand.. 

As she walked over to the little Lady, she asked her, 

"What message have you for me today, dear sweet one?"

And as she looked into her meaning and then connected with

her intuition, she saw an image. 

The Image said HoMe.

--------***---------

She had been walking down town earlier that evening

and had came upon an intersection...

To her right was a building with the word 'Home'

Glowing in bright Red on it...

But all she could focus on was how part of the 'M'

wasn't glowing correctly... 

Then she looked to the left... 

and the vision looked enticing... 

Yet, when she actually did go across the street to 

explore the enticing area, she immediately felt a chill.

The darkness. The loneliness... The Emptiness.

Without the glow of a Home, there really was nothing 

enticing about the street she chose to explore.

So she turned around and began to walk back to her car..

As she drove home, she asked herself... 

What is home to me? 

Did she feel like she was at home where she was in life?

----***----

And so now, there she stood in her kitchen, 

 Talking to an Asian Lady Beetle... 

Plus the Rat family that lived in the walls. 

And She asked again... "What really is HoME to me?"

But to come to an answer to that question, she had 

some more meditating to do cuz nothing was coming up. 

As she was looking into the Asian Lady Beetle a little more online,

She learned that they really are not like the regular ladybugs. 

These Asian Lady's have an M on their head.

And they are not as sweet as Ladybugs were. 

As her mind began to spin at the very thought of 

what God was trying to say to her with such contradictions.

She thought about what had just happened to her 

as she was taking her walk plus the run in with this 

magnificent creature of God.

She tried to put two and two together for herself;

'M' on the LADY Asian Beetle. 

The 'M' in the word HoME being flawed.

and then Boom! there it was...

Her choosing the wrong paths always. 

Not feeling at home where she was. 

The light had finally come on!

The M represented her Masculine Energy. 

Here she was studying to be a Queen yet she was still 

letting her mind lead.

The fact that every time she made a decision, 

she only used her masculine brain, was what left her

in the cold dark emptiness all the time 

because it wasn't connected to 

her heart!

And HoME is where the Heart is! 

So where was her heart? 

Now that...

is something that she was going to have to really dig deep for...

The Greatest Poison...

 As she was learning more about her Queen-ology this morning,

a revelation came to her mind. 

RC Blakes had read a bible verse that spoke the words,

"Do not be unequally yoked."

As soon as she heard the words, a vision popped up

in the front of her mind.

A Movie..

The man in the Iron Mask.

As she was going through the story in her mind...

Trying to figure out what relevance it had to being unequally yoked..

 She remembered first, that in the beginning of the movie they showed

the fact that Paris was going to Hell with their new King Louis. 

But as she went deeper into the movie, she uncovered something hidden. 

A secret that totally changed the course of their King's reign.

The Queen mother, had fallen for one of the Knights of the castle. 

Now of course, this wasn't just any knight... 

This was the Head of the Three Musketeers!

So she at least chose the most suitable knight to fornicate with.

However, the truth still remained... 

He was just a Knight. 

He was not equal in rank to the Queen. 

A Queen needed a King to produce strong honest heirs. 

Why? 

Because the Ambition and Vision are very different 

for a knight and a King. 

The Knight can not be King and protect both 

the castle and his Wife. 

He would have to abdicate his throne.

So...

 There it was... 

The Pain of having to keep a secret... 

The Poison of having to conceal a lie within them.

And from that deception came the consequences of their own self deceit.

The twins.

The split in the flow of life. 

One of the brothers was of God... 

Wanting Love.

The other brother was of Fear...

wanting Power thru Lies.

And she realized that her own life had been no different. 

She was always falling for knights. 

Men who protected her, but then fought with her all because 

every time she tried to awaken to her truth as Queen, they wanted to 

keep her with them at their level.

But what she was also beginning to realize now as she was

able to truly awaken, 

Is that these knights didn't belong to her castle.

They weren't even musketeers! 

They were just trying to use her for her gift of 

Unconditional Love. 

Well that and her money and car and bed. 

You name it, they were all up in it. 

Her time, her energy... 

yup..

All of it was just going down a drain. 

Until she finally woke up. 

And now, she was awake and ready..

 Ready to walk to her Throne

 and...

 Own it! 

Hidden Sacral Action

 Behind every mask is the true authentic self. 

~The soul.~

Her life wasn't all that she envisioned. 

At least not yet. 

But she could totally see and feel herself already there. 

Today, she was learning a new concept about herself and the deeper aspects 

that governed them. 

These Aspects were the agents that would help guide her on her journey

to where she wanted to go in this life. 

   ( But first off, In order for you to understand where she is aiming to go, 

you must first understand where she comes from. and thus, 

Please do allow me to narrate for you how she found herself at the beginning of this story in the first place.)

She grew up in a house of five;

 a mother, a father, a brother, a sister, and of course, herself..

And Like all families, the father worked.

Long and hard all the days on. 

And the mother was furious with housework and children,

all the while having to also work to make ends meet. 

The physical, mental, emotional and spiritual abuse 

ran amuck in every house, every location, and every family member

that tried so hard to live the American dream. 

Being promised success and riches at the end of a hard days work was 

always the goal, yet even when it was reached, it seemed an utter disappointment.

The only thing that kept it going for years and years,

was the negative energy of the chase, the fight, and the idea that 

one day happiness was going to be had.

That day however never came. 

Father died. 

Mother was disabled.

and the children all parted ways.

Each lived far far away from the other, 

and each time they communicated was only through false visions.

A mask!

In the here and now, 

She sat in her favorite chair, and she continued to type her story. 

She began to search for the tape that held her own mask on so tightly. 

And when she found one, she began to peel away at it.

Today she had learned about Mars. 

Mars, that fiery red planet.

The one that everyone wanted to try to make a home on. 

She laughed inside at that vision.

Everyone trying to escape to a planet of nothing but

burning fires, desires, and passions!

She laughed because she knew that people didn't have to escape

life on Earth in order to live a life

 with Mars' promised brilliance and excitement. 

She realized a while back, 

That Mars existed inside each and every single person. 

Mars was an energy. 

The energy that gives people the ability to choose their actions.

Be they from

 a place of passion and desire

 or rather

 a place of anger and destruction... 

 Mars was the author of both. 

As she sat typing, she realized that she was indeed using her time with Mars 

in a positive, passionate way in her now moment... 

She was following her desire to write and be creative.

It brought her joy and happiness to express herself. 

And she saw that this was all possible because she listened to her

true hearts desire.

On the contrary... 

Mars also had it's time and place though for actions that required

emergency, protection, and strength. 

She realized that a life with Mars meant that  even though the flames of desire 

were necessary in order to live a happy life...

 the mere fact remained  

that the flames of desire were still in fact burning hot flames!

And yes, sometimes, these flames will burn and destroy 

everything in it's path if they are let burn out of control.

Her previous relationship had been completely set ablaze 

during the Full Moon In Pisces... and she knew her Mars had

everything to do with it.... 

But she wasn't blaming anyone. 

There was always a reason for every season of life. 

And this was all apart of her journey...