Rise above the Lie you can't live...

 The pressure was up... 

But everything else was down..

Her energy to move on was at a standstill,

especially since Mars had gone retrograde the day before.

For the rest of the year, she was going to be feeling 

this sluggish pull and she was really

concerned whether she was going to make it 

to the New Year or not.

She wished that she could just hibernate like the bear..

But then thought about it... 

how did they just sleep 

and sleep and sleep?

She could barely make it for an 8 hour of pure sleeping. 

She couldn't bare to think about sleeping all winter. 

So of course she was grateful that she was not a bear. 

But then her mind went back to her current thought. 

What was she doing? 

What was her plan?

Did she even have one?

For the strategic that she was known to be, 

she was finally starting to accept the fact 

that she really didn't trust her planning anymore.

She realized that in the past when she made plans, 

Most of the time, it was coming from a place of fear. 

A place of outside expectation.

A place of worry that something bad would happen

if she didn't do, go, or get... 

But maybe this is why Mars had decided to go retrograde.

Especially at this critical moment in her life.

Where decisions needed to be made...

But she had given up her Karmic patterns.

Her karmic loops.

Her karmic repeats.

And so, it made much sense that with the help of 

the universe, she would finally be able to cut herself free!

But what was she trying to cut herself free from?

What Karmic pattern?

Well, with Jupiter's help, and of course all the other planets as well, 

She realized that in her life there was always something

that she thought would work, if she just did it right.

And so year after year, she tried to make a life for 

herself. 

One where she would get a job, a car, a man, and a place to 

live together, helping each other out, 

all the while trying to enjoy the fruits of the so called 

life that they worked together to maintain. 

However, no matter who she was with, or if she was alone and

independent, things never seemed to work out 

the way people claimed it to be. 

Everyone was flowing, but things never flowed for her.

No matter if she worked a bank job, a store job, 

an office job, a warehouse job... 

She never had enough money to pay even 

the lowest amounts of bill expectations. 

She would put in hours upon hours to 

overtime, yet still had not enough to pay all the bills.

How was life not working for her, when 

countless others where so happy and free?

She couldn't quite understand this cycle that kept 

her spinning downward.

She really must have gotten something completely messed up

in her thinking in order to keep failing like this. 

And then she remembered the words,

Deferred Hope...

She had heard those words when she first began going to church

back in her 20's right before she got pregnant and then got married. 

This word Hope Deferred had just come back up to her in her Queen-ology

studies and she realized a message that was trying to come through.

All this time, all these karmic repeats...

Was all because she had believed something to be true

outside of asking God what he thought.

She never realized that by watching other people's lives

and actions and successes... 

And then wanting to recreate it for herself, 

was the very reason why it never worked for her. 

This was the Law of Envy. 

Wanting what another had not realizing and being grateful for what 

God had already given her.  

It was like the story of the Peacock and the Crow. 

The Crow wanting to be beautiful and happy like the peacock

with it's beautiful feathers... Yet overlooking the fact that

his own gift of intelligence was something of great value already.

He just failed to discover it because he was too busy

focused on how to obtain what God had given the peacock.

So for her, wanting a family and a flowing life with a job, and a house, and a man,

Was all great, if only she would first understand

that God came first. That in order to even know

who she truly was, she had to ask God for the revelation.

And with that revelation she could take her next steps.

and so.. 

Twist and Shout in Reality...

 She sat at her small table in the kitchen, 

doing her usual meditation and journaling practice. 

She walked over to the coffee maker and got her cup of coffee.

As she was heading back to her table something called to her

from outside the window.

It was a cardinal. 

She remembered her father and said a loving hello. 

Then she asked, "what message have you for me?"

And then she opened herself up to receive the response.

She continued to watch the bird with an open mind

and saw him jump down to a branch within some bushes.

Then he began to hide angrily into the bush.

He poked his head out and tried to peck at a branch.

Then he went back in the bush and just rustled around 

as if it were stuck or lost in it. 

As she allowed her mind to go into her heart and receive

the message God had just tried to connect her with... 

Her higher self chimed in and said... 

Look at your life in the now moment. 

What do you see? 

And she saw that she was constantly chasing people. 

She was the one who reached out to family. 

She was the one who tried to keep the connections alive. 

She was the one always battling for them to accept her.. 

Yet, she was constantly hiding and fighting her true feelings 

just to keep them happy with her. 

And that's when she saw it! 

Learning her Queen-ology opened her eyes to God's truth!

Queens don't chase.

And this Cardinal came to point it out!

The false belief that she thought was correct and true. 

The false belief that people who neglect you and don't respond to you

are the ones that must love you. 

And she believed this because that is the family 

environment that she grew up in. 

It had become a norm for her to listen to the words,

no matter how critical or condescending,

of a higher up like a mother and a father all because

that is how she grew up. And because she was in their control,

because of the way God designed dependency on a mother and father 

to raise children to a certain standard, she believed that

this chasing  must have been 'love'.

As a child, what she couldn't see or understand though was 

that mom and dad were negligent and abusive 

not only to themselves and to each other, but it also 

rippled down to the way they taught their children. 

And this was the family cycle that kept repeating. 

And this is the cycle that she unconsciously was holding onto

as Truth. 

When really, it was the very thing that kept 

destroying any and all possibilities for her. 

She realized now that every time she did have any friends or 

lovers that actually did call, contact, care, and try to connect with her, 

that she would turn them down out of fear that they were trying to 

get too close that they were invasive,

 and trying to deceive her because of that. 

But the truth was... 

The people who actually did want to connect, were actually the ones 

that had love in their hearts for God, themselves, and for others. 

Whereas the people who were constantly too busy to even write her back

were the ones who actually were not loving God, or themselves,

 and definitely had no love for others

 because the flow wasn't a forward motion.

 They were on a track going back...

Lived spelled forward was the way of Life.

Whereas,

Lived spelled Backwards equaled Devil.

And So... she thanked her Cardinal friend.

And she Thanked God for this revelation!

She didn't hate anyone though.

She didn't hate herself for not knowing or for having to learn 

this the hard way. 

She wasn't angry.

She was Unconditional Love and had great compassion 

for All. 

She just finally began to understand that it wasn't her job to change anyone 

but herself. 

And that all she could do, was share her experience with everyone who 

wanted to hear it or read it. 

Thank you to all of you who do read my blogs! 

I love you all!

XoXo <3

Which came first, Pride or Manipulation?

 She awoke this morning and did her usual routine. 

Got her phone off the charger and headed for the kitchen to make her 

morning cup of joe.

As she turned on the phone, she had a Message from a 

friend and when she opened it, there it was.

A picture of her past. 

Past mistake of course. 

But as she read what her friend questioned, she realized that 

it really didn't bother her. 

The image that her ex had posted on social media,

 (as graphic as it was),

really had no effect on her. 

And She knew that what it really reflected was how

immature, insecure, and malicious her ex truly was. 

She learned through her study of Queen-ology 

that only King conscious men knew how to 

deal with Queens. 

But of course it wasn't long ago that she was of

a Broken Consciousness herself. 

This is how she actually did meet her ex. 

She remembered that the one thing that always 

got her trapped in toxic situation-ships was indeed her 

own Toxic Empathy. 

She wasn't always as innocent as she looked.

Truth was...

At one point in time she had stepped in front of God instead of 

walking with him and she tried  to take the

unconditional love he gifted her with and she honestly 

believed that she could change people.

Little did she know, but this was the biggest form of PRIDE!

And she learned the hard way, that Pride did indeed come 

before the fall. 

But the one thing she was finally really catching onto... 

was the manipulation. 

The secret lure that was involved in the game of PRIDE.

And this is what the ex was reflecting to her today.

 Through his immature action of posting graphic photos on 

social media, he was reflecting the very fact that

 because he had not addressed his hurts, pains, shame, and resentments,

The posting of the graphic media was indeed the manipulation tactic

to spur his pride into getting what he thinks he wants, but for the wrong 

reasons. And so...

as she sat there and meditated on why she was seeing this reflection,

She realized that a lot of times, when she wrote her blogs, 

or posted on social media herself, 

that she too was trying to change people again. 

Just as before when she was with people in relationships 

and wanted to change them.. 

This too was the same kind of PRIDE.

And so today, she decided to end it. 

To finally end her battle of changing the world. 

Changing people...

And instead, she was going to do what she really came here to do.

Accept herself as God made her. 

And Accept the people as God made them. 

She was finally going to walk with God. 

One day at a time.

And As the dust settled from the mistakes of her past,

 the road ahead began to clear. 

As did her mind, body, heart, and soul. 

Hide! It's an Emotion!

 She was really drawn to this song by Maximillian called 

Beautiful Scars.

There was a part of the chorus that really struck her hard.

It went something like this;

oh, but what is lost ain't gone

No, you can't just let go, cause it's a part of you that

will make you strong. Embrace your Flaws.

I'm not gonna fight back what I've become

yeah I got bruises where I came from

But I wouldn't change if I could restart

I ain't gonna hide these beautiful scars.

And that really grabbed her because she was studying 

astrology and the spiritual aspects of herself 

and how they were connected and here to help her evolve.

And she knew that Chiron, the wounded healer...

Was all up in this song!

Chiron was indeed the very theme of this song. 

So as she sat there and listened to this song over and over, 

it really triggered a lot of emotions in her. 

Her Chiron wound. 

She found herself getting all teary eyed and sometimes 

even bawling her eyes out because of all the pain 

it touched in her and brought to the surface.

When she finally settled into the feeling, 

she asked herself... 

"What is here, before me, that I finally let come up?"

And she saw it before her...

Like a movie.

She saw herself as a young child... 

Standing before people who mattered to her. 

Trying to express herself, only to be 

Shut down, 

Turned away,

Ridiculed,

Told that she was being silly.

Then ignored.

And as a child, she looked to those before her, in front of her,

as supreme...  and took their words to heart.

With each rejection and dismissal

she was presented with,

she chose to take all that she was proud of.

All that she came to this earth with...

And she tucked them back in her little overall pockets

where they would stay safe with her, because it was her... 

but it wasn't right in the eyes of those who brought her up in this world. 

Those who taught her and took care of her. 

They didn't want to see it. 

Hear it,

even acknowledge it. 

And so she created an alter ego...

And began to do things as they expected and wanted. 

Hoping to get more acceptance and worth by doing it their way. 

But it didn't seem to go that way.

It didn't work...

Not then..

Not now.

Not ever!

And today as she listens to the lyrics of this song,

 it brings her back to the very fact that she never had to hide herself.

It's just that at that moment in time, 

she was just too young to know and understand this truth.

And so she reached back in her overall pocket...

And she pulled out her truth...

Once and for all.

And as she opened her gift, 

she was able to see what Chiron wanted her to learn

 and open up in her. 

Her Wounds as her Strengths.

And what that meant for her...

 

 

It's in the little things...

 The little Asian Lady Beetle called over to her in the kitchen.

She doesn't know how she is able to hear them, she just does. 

And in a way, it's not a sound so much as an intuitive nudge really. 

but back to the story at hand.. 

As she walked over to the little Lady, she asked her, 

"What message have you for me today, dear sweet one?"

And as she looked into her meaning and then connected with

her intuition, she saw an image. 

The Image said HoMe.

--------***---------

She had been walking down town earlier that evening

and had came upon an intersection...

To her right was a building with the word 'Home'

Glowing in bright Red on it...

But all she could focus on was how part of the 'M'

wasn't glowing correctly... 

Then she looked to the left... 

and the vision looked enticing... 

Yet, when she actually did go across the street to 

explore the enticing area, she immediately felt a chill.

The darkness. The loneliness... The Emptiness.

Without the glow of a Home, there really was nothing 

enticing about the street she chose to explore.

So she turned around and began to walk back to her car..

As she drove home, she asked herself... 

What is home to me? 

Did she feel like she was at home where she was in life?

----***----

And so now, there she stood in her kitchen, 

 Talking to an Asian Lady Beetle... 

Plus the Rat family that lived in the walls. 

And She asked again... "What really is HoME to me?"

But to come to an answer to that question, she had 

some more meditating to do cuz nothing was coming up. 

As she was looking into the Asian Lady Beetle a little more online,

She learned that they really are not like the regular ladybugs. 

These Asian Lady's have an M on their head.

And they are not as sweet as Ladybugs were. 

As her mind began to spin at the very thought of 

what God was trying to say to her with such contradictions.

She thought about what had just happened to her 

as she was taking her walk plus the run in with this 

magnificent creature of God.

She tried to put two and two together for herself;

'M' on the LADY Asian Beetle. 

The 'M' in the word HoME being flawed.

and then Boom! there it was...

Her choosing the wrong paths always. 

Not feeling at home where she was. 

The light had finally come on!

The M represented her Masculine Energy. 

Here she was studying to be a Queen yet she was still 

letting her mind lead.

The fact that every time she made a decision, 

she only used her masculine brain, was what left her

in the cold dark emptiness all the time 

because it wasn't connected to 

her heart!

And HoME is where the Heart is! 

So where was her heart? 

Now that...

is something that she was going to have to really dig deep for...

The Greatest Poison...

 As she was learning more about her Queen-ology this morning,

a revelation came to her mind. 

RC Blakes had read a bible verse that spoke the words,

"Do not be unequally yoked."

As soon as she heard the words, a vision popped up

in the front of her mind.

A Movie..

The man in the Iron Mask.

As she was going through the story in her mind...

Trying to figure out what relevance it had to being unequally yoked..

 She remembered first, that in the beginning of the movie they showed

the fact that Paris was going to Hell with their new King Louis. 

But as she went deeper into the movie, she uncovered something hidden. 

A secret that totally changed the course of their King's reign.

The Queen mother, had fallen for one of the Knights of the castle. 

Now of course, this wasn't just any knight... 

This was the Head of the Three Musketeers!

So she at least chose the most suitable knight to fornicate with.

However, the truth still remained... 

He was just a Knight. 

He was not equal in rank to the Queen. 

A Queen needed a King to produce strong honest heirs. 

Why? 

Because the Ambition and Vision are very different 

for a knight and a King. 

The Knight can not be King and protect both 

the castle and his Wife. 

He would have to abdicate his throne.

So...

 There it was... 

The Pain of having to keep a secret... 

The Poison of having to conceal a lie within them.

And from that deception came the consequences of their own self deceit.

The twins.

The split in the flow of life. 

One of the brothers was of God... 

Wanting Love.

The other brother was of Fear...

wanting Power thru Lies.

And she realized that her own life had been no different. 

She was always falling for knights. 

Men who protected her, but then fought with her all because 

every time she tried to awaken to her truth as Queen, they wanted to 

keep her with them at their level.

But what she was also beginning to realize now as she was

able to truly awaken, 

Is that these knights didn't belong to her castle.

They weren't even musketeers! 

They were just trying to use her for her gift of 

Unconditional Love. 

Well that and her money and car and bed. 

You name it, they were all up in it. 

Her time, her energy... 

yup..

All of it was just going down a drain. 

Until she finally woke up. 

And now, she was awake and ready..

 Ready to walk to her Throne

 and...

 Own it! 

Can You Identify?

 There was a really huge deal happening out there in the universe

 and she knew it was time to get to work. 

She had a lot to do before this Scorpio New Moon Solar Eclipse!

She knew Scorpio represented a lot of deep dark intimate aspects, events,

and opportunities!

However, she also knew that it meant that she had to be internally prepped

and prepared!

In order to be able to go through something as huge as a Scorpio transit, one had to be all cleared of cobwebs and skeletons!

She looked back in her mind... That one park visit with all the cobwebs... 

Yes... she remembered that hike all too well. 

It was the scariest hike she had ever been through!

Cobwebs were everywhere!

It was like a  haunted house, only in the great out doors!

She remembered how afraid she was, but also how many fears she was welcoming as they came up all along the journey. 

And now she had to continue the work before the arrival of the ultimate transformation day.

The rest of the work consisted of her 

Releasing...

Releasing who she thought she was.

Surrendering...

Surrendering the control she tried so hard to have over her life.

and then 

Uniting... 

Uniting with the Unknown!

She wasn't scared though. 

That word unknown had become a comfort to her a long time ago. 

Death was scary.. 

Death was known! 

But to her, the unknown 

was full of potential... 

and limitless possibilities!

And she was actually quite excited to finish her work. 

Clearing her shadows, fears, and demons, started off as hard, but only because she 

was resistant and looking at it as a loss. 

A loss of self. of knowledge... of experience... 

But as she allowed herself to go through the process, she realized that it was none of that. 

Instead it was an unraveling of all the things that she was never really supposed to 

carry. 

The more she carried the harder it was for her to walk and live this thing called life. 

She couldn't flow. 

And that's why even now... 

She realized that she was still carrying one more thing!

One more fear!

And that fear was connected to the one thing that wounded her as a child.

And this wound rested in her identity. 

However, as she stands here today, 

she realized and accepted once and for all

that the identity that she was trying so hard to grasp onto 

and push herself to walk the line, 

really wasn't hers. 

It was an illusion that she was trying to bring to life over and over again. 

But she couldn't. 

Because it's not hers. 

It's someone else's ideas!

She had been this high strung horse for 44 years now... 

With Zero feelings, Zero Emotions. 

All because she cared not one bit for herself. 

For who she really was. 

Instead she lived for the false ideas, that she had made her own, 

out of fear...

Fear of not being loved, valued, or protected by others.

Yet what she failed to recognize at the time, because she was too young to understand, 

was that it was never up to other people to

 Love her, Value her, and Protect her. 

She already had it in her. 

God Loved, valued and always protected her 

from the inside out! 

And so now...  she was ready... 

Ready to open, unite, and receive, the Great Unknown...

The Truth of who she truly was. 

 

 

The Soul on Fire in Heaven

 She woke up the next morning and the first thing that popped into her mind was,

The beer she drank 2 hours before going to bed. 

She didn't even catch on to it running through her mind 

until she was washing her hands after going to the bathroom. 

As she looked in the mirror, she saw a disappointed face 

looking back at her. Her mind kept repeating,

Shouldn't have drank last night. 

And as she turned from the mirror, something clicked in her... 

Why was she abusing herself with such negative thinking? 

Where did this come from?

And that's when she lit up inside... 

A spark went off and a positive energy rose up in her. 

She took a self evaluation.. 

She felt fine. 

She slept fine.

She even woke up at a fine hour. 

And she was feeling really good about getting her coffee

and then doing her morning meditation and study with RC Blakes. 

So where was this negative criticism about having a beer come from?

It surely was not what she truly felt and thought. 

So she knew it was words she had heard from others before. 

And she realized that before doing her Queenology work, 

she used to fall prey easily to these types of negative word spells 

because she did not have her identity intact. 

She did not know herself through the eyes of God. 

She did not know her worth was in God and not in the acceptance or approval of others.

But now that she did know all this... 

She realized that these words in her head were not her own. 

And so she cast them out

,

 just like that!

 She knew who she was. 

She knew how she wanted to live and what was good and right for her.

She felt great! She was healthy, She was in great shape. 

There was no need for her to abuse herself with these critical thoughts.

And so she stopped them right then and there and she thanked God 

for this awakening!

Later that morning as she was doing her studies, 

she had another breakthrough!.

God was really doing miracles within her!

Her soul was so lit up, she thought she was going to burst into flames!

Clearly, her candle never burn-eth out!

She learned that morning that the reason those negative thoughts

were always with her, even when she wasn't doing anything wrong, 

was because she had unconsciously accepted a false belief as her own.  

When RC Blakes spoke of the Signs of a Sick soul, during her morning studies, 

the first sign broke the mold for her!

It went something like this;

Your soul is sick when you decide to move away from the known will

of God. 

And at first, she had to pause the video and really ponder what those words 

resonated in her. 

And there it was! 

Her breakthrough!

Being born into dependency on Mom and Dad is the reason we are born Sinners!

It is a sin to be dependent on anyone other than God. 

This is why the bible states to Honor thy mother and father, but it does not say

to make them and their ways as God's Truth, which is Love.

 When you are old enough to be 

Reborn,

 it means going back to the true creator of you. And that is the God that 

 gave you a soul and a spirit! 

RC Blakes also went on to explain the Soul and Spirit in a very clear way.

He said;

The Soul is

 the Mind,(the way we think)

 the Will,(the way we choose)

 and 

 the Emotions,(the way we feel)

The Spirit is

the part of you that is Divine.

the part of you that comes from God.

the part that God communicates with you.

The Soul is where choices and decisions are facilitated. 

The body is where the soul and spirit reside.

A soul-tie happens in the season when the soul is out of balance with the Spirit. 

and when the soul is sick, the individual's life is poisoned!

And so when she began to really allow all this to open up inside her, she realized

that the reason she had these negative thoughts buried deep within her as truths, 

was in fact because when she was a little girl, she was taught through her dependency

that mom and dad were the ultimate approval sources of her life and existence.

That their ways of living and being was the only way to really be. 

But this was a false and limiting belief that she had unconsciously accepted.

Until now. 

She felt such a huge cloud clearing from her view once she accepted her real 

truth. 

That God never left her! 

And that she just never got to know him 

because she had thought that he was in the approval of others and the world. 

And so she thanked God for this revelation that opened up in her.

And she continued her day with more vibrant energy then she ever felt possible!

Don't Mind Me?

 She knew she was not flowing in the life 

that she was currently trying to make herself live. 

Yet, she pushed herself every day to go thru the same cycles. 

Like a merry go round. 

It's always fun at first until the motion 

becomes too much within 

and you get that nauseous feeling inside.

And she knew, finally, since she had begun her spiritual journey,

that nausea was indeed a rejection of the flow of life.

And so if her being on this round and round spin in her own life was making her sick...

she knew somewhere she had gone against the flow in her life. 

So she asked the holy spirit for help. 

RC Blakes was brought to her awareness almost instantly!

RC Blakes is a pastor that spoke of God and the bible

 in a way that she was actually able to understand. 

She had gone to numerous churches in her life and met many pastors

and religious clergy but none that ever seemed to make any sense to her.

But she couldn't find RC Blakes until she was true and honest to her own self.

To her own heart and soul. 

She was spiritual.

As much as people wanted to tell her that spirituality was all 

witchcraft,

 she couldn't understand why she didn't see it that way.

Until now. 

But it took years... 

Her journey began almost 13 years ago!

But here she was still striving. 

Still trying and still learning. 

Today she learned all about her mind set. 

She learned that she had been dwelling for the longest time bouncing

between two different types of mind sets... 

And both of them didn't produce anything but that merry go round effect

that she was so familiar with now and so sick of...

She wanted a change. 

She was ready for a change.

And she was ready to take any and all actions necessary to get there.

So... the first thing she learned was that she needed to acknowledge the two 

limited mind sets that she had been hopping between. 

The first mindset was where she was focused on the DEAD PAST. 

This is where she was always thinking about her past traumas

and was always looking for ways to avoid reliving past hurts and pains.

This was also where she was stuck thinking about back when 

things used to be better or working out for her... Her regrets. 

But what she didn't realize, until now..

 that this mind set of the DEAD PAST put her in a state 

where she was simply enduring a miserable existence but yet not fully living. 

So she made a New Pact with her higher self, taken from a quote from RC Blakes, 

 that she was going to

 "Divorce her History in order to make a date with Destiny!"

Then as she continued to listen to her favorite Pastor, and she learned that 

the second mindset that she was seriously stuck dwelling in was indeed

the mindset of living in the PRESENT MOMENT.

This made her a survivalist! 

And that made perfect sense to her...

Especially since she came from a past life of being a

Highly esteemed Independent survivor!

But her mission in this life was definitely not in running on

impulsive survival warrior mode.

Yet, this is exactly who she had become so far... 

So here she was... 

Ready and willing to get off of this merry go round of a life... 

She was ready to learn and activate the Third way of life.

The Queen conscious mind set way. 

This is where she was going to take the time and effort to truly understand 

who she was. 

Authentically. 

This is where she was going to do the work of finding her true self.

Who God had created her to be. 

She was going to do the work to find and feel 

her true worth in God her creator.

She was ready to chart her course based on her creator's instruction

relative to her true future. 

And it all began with changing her Mind Set! 

 

You got to Feel it to Evolve it...

She was feeling the pressure. 

But she wasn't sure where it was coming from...

Was it the pressure of a move?

Was it the pressure of a new job in the making?

Or was it just the pressure of a fart...

Just kidding. 

But seriously though, she was on edge lately. 

Not so much like jumping around, bouncing from thing to thing..

But more of a mental edge...

Like there was a decision to be had and she just wasn't having it. 

But that perhaps she was supposed to. 

So she took a deep breath in and let it out slowly...

She tried to re-center herself so she could be there in that now moment. 

She began to examine herself.

The pressure she was feeling needed to be welcomed... 

There was no need to not be acquainted with it. 

There was no need to ignore it. 

So she acknowledged it. 

And she brought it to God by welcoming it with open arms. 

She sat there with God and talked it through. 

Why did she feel on edge?

She told God that being centered in her femininity was too 

easy for her...

 But then God corrected her...and said, 

If it was easy, she wouldn't feel pressured and on edge. 

And she agreed and then it lit up in her...

The real reason!

She was on edge thinking she needed to do something because 

being in this feminine energy was something new for her.

She wasn't used to this fresh new feeling of not having to always 

be pushing herself to do something.

She was not used to just enjoying sitting back and being 

relaxed and happy.

And so this new feeling was bringing up the compulsion

that she needed to be doing something in 

order to feel accomplished. 

So she welcomed it. 

She welcomed her compulsion.

And then she felt it lift and go. 

And as she sat there, she realized just how good it really did feel

to just 'be' for once. To really just sit into nothingness. 

 

It was peace... 

It was calm...

It was contentment. 

And she actually liked it.

She liked it a lot!